Mark Breimhorst's Eulogy of Thom Massey
I first met Thom 16 years ago. We worked together at Stanford in the Office for Multicultural Development. I name this office because the words will be my refrain. Our friendship was always based on our mutual passion for civil rights, multiculturalism, and education. We shared the conviction that people could learn to treat each other better by understanding and appreciating our differences.
It started that fall in the OMD as we hatched plans to make Stanford more inclusive – only to have Condi Rice shoot them down. Nevertheless, the seeds of revolution were sown as Thom and I began to teach each other. It was the early days of email (we used the PINE system) and Thom and I would have an email circle back and forth 20-30 times a day even though our desks were about 30 feet apart. Thom taught me about racism as he saw it, and I taught him what I knew about ableism. He had never known much about the disability rights movement, but he was eager to learn. And he was quick to change.
I remember one day he told me how he was trying to write something but felt paralyzed. That’s an unfortunate metaphor from a disability rights perspective. I knew he didn’t mean it literally so I said, “when you use that word, Thom, there’s a black cloud hanging over you.” We always joked like this even when the subject matter was serious. We had enough respect for each other to want to learn, but had enough humor to do it lovingly and in fun.
Over the years after our time in the OMD, we stayed in touch and often spoke about education and how to build a more inclusive society. After my career in student affairs, I was always coming up with ideas about how to build a more just society. Every time I got serious about a venture, Thom was one of the first people I would share it with. His wise counsel always set me on the right course.
My vocational life has taken lots of turns, but always Thom was there for me. I grappled with what I should do and who I should be. But Thom always reminded me to do what I loved, as he had done himself. I sometimes raised an eyebrow to some of his career moves, but I would be ultimately convinced because he always followed his heart – and that, as Thom so eloquently showed me – is not the straight path the fairy tales and business school cases extol.
A few years ago I got involved in the Mosaic Project. I was so proud to introduce it to Thom and have him be so smitten that he immediately joined the board. I have been so long seeking solutions for how to promote diversity that I was thrilled to find one that moved Thom as much as it did me. For the last four years we’ve been able to serve this amazing organization together. Since our days at the OMD, we’d so often been partners in thinking and planning my various schemes or how to make his dorm about entrepreneurship, but now we were finally working together again. I was always so proud to look across our boardroom and see Thom pouring all his love and wisdom into our cause. Likewise, I was overjoyed to see all my friends from Mosaic slowly peel back Thom’s layers of reserve. I didn’t know at whom to wink.
When I think of Thom now, I am hopeful. I think of all his passion, his convictions, his gentle and subtle style of leadership, and his plans for making the world more inclusive. Even though we will miss his grace, his warmth, his humor, and his capacity for listening and love, I know his passion will always flower in me. At first I worried about all of Thom’s plans for the future and how they would not come to pass. But being a part of the Mosaic family, I don’t fear this anymore. Thom’s spirit is in each of us and we will continue to carry out his work, give his love, and share his wisdom. Thank you Thom for everything you have given.
- Mark Breimhorst